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S1-015 March of the HOGs
March of the HOGs is the fifteenth episode of Season One of Queens of Adventure. In it, the queens cross the island, and then cross the island again. Synopsis In a trance, Arson has a vision like a memory. She is being taunted by a voice, telling her to go deeper in the underdark, and open a door. A thick stone doorway is visible. The voice tells her she knows the way to find her people. Arson cautiously heads for the door, the voice claiming it knows what she will decide. On the door is a message in draglish: "Do Not Open" and is signed DCM. Ignoring it, she opens the door, finding a spiral stone staircase heading down into a dark shaft. Spiderwebs cover everything. It leads down to an under dark city covered in webbing. Her vision finds a solitary group of driders, gathered around a statue that looks like Arson. She awakens in a basement of an apothecary, surrounded by Cher Noble and her friends. Before everyone else can settle down to sleep, she tells the others about her vision. She asks if they remember the letters DCM. Harlotte remembers getting a token from a shrine they visited on their way to Watersport. Cher Noble doesn't recognize the letters. The group decides they should check out the shrine. Butylene, still in mutated form, inquires about Chaz's illness. Cher Noble says he caught a simple tropical disease on the ship they took to Fire Island, easy to cure, but the medicine was all horded in the Town Hall. Now with a supply, he is out of trouble, but will need more. The group invites her to come with them to the Golden Palace. This leads them to discuss their plans for the new day. Harlotte suggests they explore the island for a day before returning. Arson, taking charge, says they should sleep now, heal, and decide in the morning. In the morning, Harlotte reads the treaty documents they retrieved so she can forge copies. It outlines the agreement to grant the western part of the island, west of the Radiant Rise, to the Honored Outside Guests (or HOGs). It has sections including Law and Orders, Penalties, Payment of Taxes, and Provisions for Mutual Defense and Security. The gist of the agreement allows HOGs to do whatever they want as long as they follow the rules of the treaty, and the Glamazons wont interfere unless the HOGs break the treaty or the Glamazons are under attack. Under laws, it forbids any HOGs from crossing the ridge onto the eastern side of the island, or disturbing the glama birds. It continues to explain the penalties of imprisonment and death. Under Mutual Defense, it explains worthy HOGs are expected to notify the Glamazons of serious threats. The queens take note that the Golden Palace is given to Belfry, on the condition the historic temple retains its facade and floorplan in the restoration, and the provision that if HOGs are found in violation, the Glamazons have the right to expel every HOG within 72 hours. They realize if they cross the island as planned, it could mean trouble for everyone. Death sentences include being put out to sea, where seaspawn would surely kill them. They recall warnings they got from Ranger Richard, the Concierge, and Cher Noble. The group also reviews a map of the island, and each points out different locations. Arson notes a light artwork installation. Southwest of Watersport, Fraya sees a turkish bathhouse, Steambaths. The Temple of Boom attracts Butylene's attention. It is a medieval castle and nightclub. They joke about a gnome doorman and Harlotte remembers their friend Gnomi Malone, who they haven't seen since the shipwreck. She then sees a location called the Reli-Quaid, and Leger Domain. Butylene wants to head for the Ziggurat on the central island of the archipelago. Arson argues they should check the shrine first, and while it might not have answers, it is at least in their area and doesn't risk a glamorous death. This idea wins out. Harlotte asks for some spider silk rope from Arson, who agrees for a trade of the gem Harlotte stole from Augustus, and the DCM token. Setting out, Cher Noble asks if she can still accompany them. When the group agrees, she opens a pouch in her chest and puts Chaz inside. By the light of day, the town is gloomy, covered in mist and strange barnacles. They can see the giant magic tree in town square, with the wyvern still circling it. Arson instantly is hurt by the daylight, worse than before her transformation. The others help shade her from the sun. As they set out, they hear a voice calling them, it appears to be Sir Throbardon. They get him out of the bushes and invite him to accompany with them. While they aren't heading straight on to the Golden Palace, it is further down the path they are taking. Moving into the jungle, they can see glama birds overhead. They reach the wyverns clearing and try to move stealthily, but the wyverns take notice of them. Fraya hastily casts fog cloud, obscuring them from the lizards, allowing them to make it through safely. Continuing on they make a detour to a clearing with a sandy floor in vibrant colorful stripes that lead to a large spiral conch shell overlooking the beach. This appears to be the location of the Reli-quaid. In Thieve's Cant, Harlotte sees a specific knock she has to do, and the door opens automatically when she does. Fraya and Arson are uninterested and go to meditate and play. The others all enter. On the second floor they find a note, Denis, the wizard thief of the Reli-quaid, has left due to the undead attacks and has made this location self-service. A portal opens on the other side of the wall to a walkway over a chamber filled with dark water. It leads to another ledge bearing a treasure chest. Harlotte goes to the walkway and grappling hooks the far wall. She swings over the water and remains dangling below the ledge and uses mage hand to open the chest to avoid the trap - smoke and sparks that fly out of the chest as it opens. Now safe, she climbs up and finds a Wand of Gagging (three times a day the user can make a person unable to speak). Outside, as Arson and Fraya make sand sculptures, Fraya find a clockwork amulet in the sand (once per day she can just take a 10 instead of rolling). Harlotte sees it as the others leave the shell, and steals it from the cleric with mage hand. Sir Throbardon shouts how exciting this group is and presses them onwards. A few hours later they find a sculpture, now freed of razor vines: the Stone Shrine. Several of them give tips: Harlotte a ring, Arson some spider silk rope, and Fraya some fishing tackle. The mouth opens and three obsidian tokens lie inside which mage hand snags. Exploring further, Arson realizes the stone scepter in the sculpture looks like the Ice Scepter they won at the Search for the Tops contest. Butylene finds several marks in draglish: One on the main pyramid says "Worthy queens seek me out. The legacy of the Great Queens awaits you." She also sees various other locations around the other half of the island: Kessel Monastery, the Panfrost bridge, Jaquelinebate Nunnery, and the Hole of Glory, near the do not cross line on the island. The group is fascinated by the Ziggurat and want to meet the Glamazons, believing the shrine and map are telling them to go to the center island. Cher Noble will take Chaz to the Golden Palace, while Throbardon wants to stick by the queens's side, and declines healing from Cher Noble. They ask Cher Noble to not reveal too much about the mission in Watersport, and not to mention the treaty. The mother and child depart into the jungle. Departing the shrine, the group returns to the Reli-Quaid as they approach evening and High Tide, and follow a path to the cliff. They find a ladder and head down. Below they find a mark in draglish asking for a destination. No sooner than they name the Ziggurat, a rainbow blast of energy lifts them up and carries them over the water towards the center island. Arson and Butylene's wigs are snatched by the power of the bridge. They land on a hot, black, twisted island. Lava erupts all around. The stone is hot to the touch. They see a massive black obsidian ziggurat in front of them. A large cluster of glama birds fly overhead. Three guards stand around the ziggurat in glimmering armor. One of them demands the group drop their weapons and surrender immediately. The group drops to their knees in surrender. A voice asks them who they are. Fraya says they got side tracked. "You certainly did." Hours later, sunsets over the Golden Palace shortly after the seaspawn battle has ended. On the penthouse balcony, Patrick spots something on the edge of the jungle through his telescope. A group gathers outside and Patrick and Karin hoist a banner as they march across the sand as the night grows dark. From the brush, Chaz and Cher Noble emerge. Cole, Shale, Lamont DuPont, Liir, Carmella La Mer, Sister Baccarat, Augustus Crimweath, and the Concierge. The banner reads "Welcome back Booty and the Hofish", and near them Jim-Jim holds a cake. Ramshackle is holding a proclamation and wonders where the performers are. Cher Noble tells them they have crossed to the other side of the island, to the horror of the group. Characters Party * Arson Nicki - drider warlock * Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist * Fraya Love - water genasi cleric * Harlotte O'Scara - human rogue NPCs * Voice in the Underdark * Cher Noble * Chaz Noble * Barb (disguised as Sir Throbardon) * Patrick and Karin * Cole and Shale * Lamont Du Pont IV * Liir * Carmella La Mer * Sister Baccarat * Augustus Crimweath * Concierge * Jim-Jim * Ramshackle Monsters/Enemies * Wyvern Episode Notes Lore * A treaty exists between the Glamazons and their Honored Outside Guests, permitting the HOGs use of the island, in exchange for leaving the Glamazons alone, on penalty of death, or expulsion of all HOGs from the island. Memorable Quotes * "I am going to give it a try and I'm not signing any contracts, but I will most certainly investigate. And if I don't like it I have the right to say no because consent is mandatory." - Arson Nicki * "What's a HOG?" - "Us." - "Excuse Me?" - Butylene O'Kipple and Arson Nicki * "If we don't have to transcend potentially dangerous waters into territory that isn't ours and maybe be sentenced to glamorous death..." - Arson Nicki * "Yeah, but I don't want to use a spell I want to use shape water." - Fraya Love * "Think Stonehenge, but kinda gay." - Arson Nicki References * Steamworks Bath House * Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom * Dennis Quaid * Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles * Tanya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan * Thor: Ragnarok * Mario Kart Behind the Queens *DM Matt announces the postponement of the live stream scheduled for December 22nd, 2018 and a short holiday break for the show. It will return with new episodes in January. *During the recording, the DMs handed the players a physical copy of the treaty. A pdf copy was later shared with fans on the show's discord channel. *Upon reviewing the map, each queen was invited to make up a location. A copy of the map was also released on the show's discord. Many of these locations have been incorporated into later episodes including the Temple of Boom and the Hole of Glory * Fan of the show and Professional Clown, Orange U Glad, wrote a filk song, a modification of "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" from Frozen based on Arson Nicki's Sand Sculptures. Category:Episodes Category:Season One